The war wages on with no bigger loser than myself

To have always prided myself an advocate of logic when it comes to decision-making, I realised only recently that emotions have lost not due to the strengths of logic, but the lack of emotional intensity in itself. While I have always knew the day would come when I would need to inhibit and reign in my passions and emotions, the task in itself now seems beyond me. I was given a preview of this test, and though only a sliver of the actual intensity was felt, it had already proved my undoing.

The tug-of-war between logic and emotions wasn't meant to hurt any party, neither was the collateral damage expected to be of any significance. However, I was erroneous in this assumption; the damage was inexplicable. Feeling so much, yet unable to voice them out proved to be so, so tormenting. Now the full intensity will eventually surface, but I no longer hold any confidence of my total absorption and control of my internal states.

But the reason for my silence owes more to mutuality rather than morality. While I might be encouraged to voice it out, I know that reciprocation can hardly reflect the equal utmost enthusiasm. And while I clearly understand that the imbalance is far too great, and that my passions can never be equalled, it pains me to ask for a reply, a reaction. All or nothing, I should say.